The No-Way Nominees for the 2014 Emmy® Nominations

June 20, 2014 |  Tags: , , , ,
Primetime Emmy Awards

Primetime Emmy Awards

The ballots for the 2014 Primetime Emmy nominations were released on the 16th, igniting a firestorm of “what ifs” amid speculation along the lines of WTF? Debate on the merits of the various shows and their actors and directors will begin in earnest after July 10th, when the nominees will be officially announced. However, for now, maybe we should pay some attention to the nominees that definitely will not make the cut, as in not even a bean’s chance of being noticed in a bowl of gumbo.


First of all, since when does a less than 60-second appearance of a movie star on a TV show grant them some sort of carte blanche to be nominated for Outstanding Guest Actor? This year we have two diametrically opposed actors who did one short and one shorter cameo on a comedy, yet they were nominated as if they deserved the nomination because they descended from Mount Olympus of film to the small screen. Bill Murray, while ever-popular for being Bill Murray, was nominated for his 40 second spot on the pilot episode of Amazon Instant Video’s comedy “Alpha House. It’s not that the role was that good. The nomination is more for the fact that he was on the show at all, even for less than a minute.


Then, you have the case of the not much beloved Adam Sandler, who has dropped more bombs than North Korea lobbed into the ocean last year. He was on his buddy Andy Samberg’s show “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” for a scant 20 seconds. Sandler’s appearance was more like payback for Samberg’s throwing him a bone with his role in “That’s My Boy.” Unlike Murray, who is adored by many generations of fans for his fine work on Saturday Night Live and numerous terrific films, Sandler doesn’t have that type of fan base and certainly added nothing to the show. Murray could end up being nominated, but only for his past work. Forget about it for Sandler.


Emmy Award Show

Emmy Award Show


Bam Margera is still being Bam, continuing to Bam around on TBS on his show “Bam’s Bad Ass Game Show”. He doesn’t have to do any stunts, and he gets to spell Badass however he wants. The show is a pale copy of the show that made him a household name among pre-puberty adolescents. Somehow it got nominated for Outstanding Nonfiction Directing. No way this stinker stands a chance against competition like Neil deGrasse Tyson’s outstanding “Cosmos” or the more note-worthy “Masterchef Junior.” This clunker has no chance of getting a nomination or advancing to a second season.


There are others we could mention, such as Guy Fieri’s “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, which was nominated for Outstanding Nonfiction Writing, but is neither outstanding nor worthy of a nomination. The only chance it has is that it is in the newly established Outstanding Structured Reality Program category, which may be short on nominees. Fieri is also nominated for Outstanding Host for a Reality Program. Forget about it.


Another sure-fire loser is Mark Strong for Outstanding Lead Actor (Drama) in “Low Winter Sun.” The competition is just too strong. It’s not that he stunk up the joint, it’s just that there were way better performances by actors on way better shows, like Bryan Cranston for “Breaking Bad,” Jon Hamm for “Mad Men” and Matthew McConaughey for “True Detective.” “Low Winter Sun” wasn’t very popular, and Mark Strong will not be among the final nominees.


Rob Lowe stands a better chance of getting on the ballot for his roles in “Californication” and “Franklin & Bash” than for his co-starring bit on Parks and Recreation.” First of all, although he’s nominated for best actor, he was not the lead actor on the show. Amy Poehler was, is and will always be. She was nominated four times for Best Lead Actress. Secondly, Lowe’s roles weren’t very good or very often. They were B-plots. However, he’s a hard worker who might eke out a nomination elsewhere. We hope he does.


In the more meta than evah category, “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” thumbs its nose at the academy in their episode entitled “The Gang Tries Desperately To Win An Award.” This piece flies in the face of reason as the gang tries to win the “Best Bar in Philadelphia” award, but is really making a joke about how the show never gets nominated for an Emmy®. It’s hard to believe the academy will reward this insulting bit that basically concludes that the best bar contest, and the Emmys®, are shallow, crowd-pleasing events that are mostly for show. The closing musical number invites the judges to “Go f*ck yourselves.” That’s not the kind of thing that gets shows nominated for Emmys®, but it would be cool if it did.


When the dust settles and the nominations are in, you can see who wins in one of two ways. You can watch it on your iPod or television with three of your favorite friends or pets, or you can buy Primetime Emmy® Award Tickets. VIP Concierge has the tickets that you crave, and we also have music award show tickets. Check us out and make it a point to hit the red carpet for the 2014 Primetime Emmy® Awards.